I heard a song yesterday and it took me along for the ride. His voice and the lyrics were of the island. Warm breezes and salty air just felt so good as the sand found its way between my toes. The palm trees swayed to the music of the steel guitars and drums and I just wanted to feel that forever. I think about what my life would be like if…would I be happy there?

I think about a little dark haired boy that is so smart and funny and so very far away. How I’d love to be in his every day memories, like I my grandmother was for me?   I’d love to be in Virginia with my son and his family, close enough to touch. I’m missing so much.  I wonder, would I be happy there?

I dream about a little girl with long blond hair, in her Frozen dresses and her sparkly shoes. How I long to be in California with my daughter and her family, sharing recipes on Sundays and playing dress up I want to hear the screen door open to see them coming in spend the day. And I wonder…is that where true happiness lives?

These days, my mother is just tired. . Her smile is still quick, and her laugh fills my heart with so much joy.  But I’m not there in her every day. My heart wants to be with my mother and my sisters in Elkhart. I miss the feeling of home at Christmas. The little girl in me wants to eat my mother’s Christmas cookies and dunk them in ice cold milk. Maybe that’s where I belong?

This moment, as I sit in my writing chair I send my spirit off to play and I visit all of the places that beg my heart to stay. It’s taken years of hide n seek for me to realize that I am home when I am happy. The here and now of it all fills me so much joy.

A friend once told me “NO MATTER WHERE YOU GO, THERE YOU ARE!”

Those words are so profound. I’ve traveled around for years. I’ve sampled life in measures great and small. I’ve hung the curtains in every place that I’ve called home. The greatest comfort of my 63 years is realizing that happiness is inside of me. It’s a choice that I make each day. When the dark clouds roll in, as they sometimes do, I have the choice to sulk in the dark or dance in the rain.

I am home in my heart. No matter where that may be. Today, right now, I am the happiest I’ve ever been. And because that feels so wonderful…so darn wonderful…I’m going to try to keep it that way.