As soon as I opened my eyes I just knew it was going to be a wonderful day. It was 5:30 am and I’d gotten just enough rest. I didn’t count the hours...because I knew better than to do that. I knew I’d gotten the perfect amount of sleep by deciding it.  I’m sure we’ve all done it. I would wake up in the morning, calculate how many hours I’d slept and decide how I felt by how large or small that number was. Too many times I’d wake in the middle of the night and forecast my level of fatigue and exhaustion for the next day and surely I’d wake the next morning to fulfill my own prophecy. The first words out of my mouth on those mornings were, “I’m so tired.” All before I’d even gotten out of bed!!!  And I’d heard myself say every word that I had thought and that I’d said. 

 YES, I WAS tired!  I was SO DAMN TIRED… and I’d instantly feel every muscle begging to just go back to bed.

I’d been dooming myself to sluggish days, devoid of energy and excitement, just arduously dragging my feet through the hours until I could get horizontal and go back to sleep.  What a pathetic waste of a day. I decided to try my own advice and when I was tempted to think “I’m so tired”, I’d stop myself.  I would get the words “I am” out of my mouth and then…..because I know that thoughts become things…would revise the thought. Dragging my way through an entire day is not my idea of fun. There is just not enough joy in it for me…so I went back to my affirmations to save my thoughts and my words and ultimately my day. Now, on days like today, I open my eyes, open my heart and say things like, “Today is so full of opportunity and all of my dreams are coming true! I feel like a million bucks and I’m so thankful! I’m so excited to start this day and I’m going to share the love every chance that I get. Thank-you!!!! Thank-you!!! THANK-YOU!!!” Starting the day like this will surely help me, though, for years, I’d doubted its effectiveness.

At first, it seems like I was just lying. I mean, I WAS feeling tired….why lie about it?  The answer…is pretty easy. When I say I’m Tired!  I actually can feel it..TIRED!  When I say I feel great!!! I can feel that too!!!!  When someone says, “I suffer from”…whatever their ailment is…their subconscious believes it and they feel worse and worse. Instead of having a headache…they declare that they suffer from headaches…thoughts become things…and yup, they suffer from headaches.

When someone talks about their ailments all of the time, it doesn’t help them or anyone that hears it. After a while both people are feeling bad.   I’ve known people that have had crippling diseases, but no one would know it.  They know that thoughts become things and they want to feel better. So they focus on things that feel good and not too much on things that make them feel bad. If thinking about ailments would help the person to feel better, I’d be glad to ask all about every detail…but because it doesn’t help, I try to change the subject. Two people have arthritis in their hands…one person rubs their hands and describes the pain…the other rubs in some cbd and does the best they can, with no mention of it… Which one has a better day?  When someone asks how I’m doing my response is quick and is as real as breath!  I’m doing GREAT!  And I am!  I decide it.  Before my feet hit the floor. I’m thanking my angels for every blessing and I’m looking forward to what comes next. These life lessons have been shared with me by so many teachers…and they all seem to have found me at just the right time. I still have bad days…but that’s on me. I know better. Each day I try to do better and I try to share what I’ve learned with anyone that wants to know.

So, today, may your wishes come true. Today, may you find some way to help someone else. May your days be filled with love and light. May your physical and spiritual bodies seek and find what makes you whole.   Today I am healthy and happy and filled with joy and I hope that you are too. I mean its Friday, after all.

Time is measuring me, with its every tick and tock. And it does so with or without my notice or permission. So, on mornings like this, I close my eyes, just for a moment to reflect on how I live my life under the scrutiny of time.

It wasn’t that long ago…my alarm would jolt me into yet another day. I instantly changed gears from possibility to what I considered to be my reality. Never thinking for a moment that those two could be one in the same.

I readied and steadied myself for what the day would deliver.  Each day twisted and turned and changed direction and that was just fine with me because that’s what I’d trained and planned for.  At the end of each work day, I’d mentally punch the clock and turn my attention to my home and all that waited for me there. Just like that, my heart rate slowed, I could feel the softness of my sweater and I, daily, visualized kicking off my shoes.

I was 59 years old when I retired from my “real job” and I left behind wages and benefits that would rival many. I left behind many treasured friends and a continued life of travel.  I, also, left behind a feeling of dread and insecurity, of a fatigue so much worse than just being physically tired. My focus had been on combative and aggressive planning strategies where my soul cried for relief.  And every moment that I chose to stay was a moment that I’d never get back.

Today, I live and work in a sanctuary, of sorts, where possibility and reality are my steady companions and impossible to tell apart. Through the years I’ve learned to see myself in a world where joy and love and gratitude are my staples. I wish these things for you. I had a dream, I cornered it and talked it into living with me. I named it Blissglass.  It’s a glorious life when the moments of it tick on by and you take the time to smile and wave as it goes.

I just got the news yesterday. Had I heard that Tom had died?       No.      I hadn’t heard that.

That’s the kind of news that flips a switch….it silences everything in the room. It stills the beating of my heart so that I may hear his music once again, uninterrupted. Why have I waited so long? How did this happen? More….WHY…did he have to go?  We weren’t quite ready…not yet.

As our days morph into nights, our lives culminate to crescendo…and slowly turn in the glory of it all…sounds and sights and smells and the tangible feels of a life well lived. And in the blink of light we’re off to discover what lives and waits for us all on the other side all that is familiar.

He leaves behind an entire lifetime of music and of sharing and kindness. He leaves a wife and family that he adored. He leaves behind a small town in Indiana, where everyone that ever knew him is now standing in silent wonder…no matter where we now live. And we are all taken back to where we knew him as a playful friend that wore the smile of someone who had a secret.

I knew him best when he played in Magi…but we went back WAY farther than that. I watched him from afar after he left Indiana behind. I delighted in the pictures of the world that he’d share with all of us. A hometown “boy” that chased his dreams…or maybe his dreams chased him. I’ll never know…but either way…he was living. And he was living loud.

It’s tragic from where I sit, and my heart is hurting. I will never forget him. I’m thankful that his music will live forever. There is comfort in that. I’m sorry that I didn’t take the time to reach out and really talk to him about life and travel and music and everything that filled him up…I guess I always thought there’d be time for that. Our class reunion is coming up and he said he would be there. I was looking forward to that.

So, once again, a friend has gone before us and I have no doubt that he will be there to meet us when it’s our time to turn the page. Until then, I will listen to his music and try to reach out to my friends, old and new, to share the miracles in the moments of all the days that are left of our lives. None of us know the hour of our deaths…I want to make sure that I do the living part in a way that will make my dying day a well-deserved rest.

Thank-you, Tom, for the memories and thank-you for the music. You were a kind and gentle soul. We shall meet again, and until then…you will live in all that knew and loved you for as long as we live.

These were once just words…lyrics to a song, and I would sing them at weddings…soft, and sweet. My guitar would lead me in and I loved singing this song. It was easy and melodic and people seemed to really like it.

Little did I know that someday, in the not too distant future, these words, strung together in such a way would carve a spot in my heart and lay in wait until I’d sing them again or until something and everything in my life would point to its message. These lyrics paint the picture of life, in its full circle. The glory of it and the bittersweet sadness of it….

I love it…Thank you, Jerry Bock, and Sheldon Harnick…whoever and wherever you are for giving me the gift of this song. It will live as long as I do….and then some.

Sunrise….Sunset…

Is this the little girl I carried….is this the little boy at play

I don’t remember growing older…when did they?

When did she get to be a beauty

When did he grow to be so tall

Wasn’t it yesterday when they-were-small?

Sunrise…Sunset, Sunrise…Sunset

Swiftlyfglow the days

Seedlings turn overnight to sunflowers

Blossoming even as we gaze

Sunrise, Sunset…Sunrise, Sunset

Swiftly fly the years

One season following another

Laden with happiness and tears

Now is the little boy a bride groom

Now is the little girl a bride?

Under the canopy I see them

Side –by-Side

Bless the gold ring around her finger

Share the sweet wine and bread per glass

Soon the whole circle will have come-to-pass.

Sunrise, Sunset…………Sunrise, Sunset

I was standing in the outfield…bent at the waist…hands on my knees…just looking at the batter. The lights that lit the field that night gave a strange glow and nothing looked real. Funny how well one can see under those lights. I could see every mosquito as they all had their way with us. I was trying my best to kill them with my mitt as they landed on my arms and neck….but I never took my eye off the ball…waiting….BALL! “Hey, BATTER!!! Swing, BATTER!!!...waiting for the ball to be hit….staring! Waiting...  If it came to me….I’d catch it!  I HAD to!!!  It was the last inning and we had to win!

The last ball that was pitched was a good one and the batter hit it HARD!  You can probably guess that it came to me. And when it came, it came fast…overhead….back….back….running backwards, that ball kept sailing. I knew the fence was coming soon and I sure didn’t want to run into it…but I’d have rather hit the fence than to miss that ball. And just as I thought it wasn’t going to come down in time…as if I willed it to, the ball fell….into my glove. And I just kept looking at that ball in my glove…the elation was ringing in my ears. I remember it so well, and the reason that I remember every detail of that night is because my dad was there at this game. This was the first and only time he’d be at one of our games.

People that knew us told me how proud he was of me that night. They said he was yelling….GO!!! GO!!!! And when I caught it, he was so excited!!!  And that…that was a night that will live as long as I do.  Yes, winning was fun…but catching that ball…and the look on my dad’s face???  That’s the good stuff.  And although it was 37 years ago it still feels like a badge of honor…

I always wanted to be at my kids’ games, concerts and contests, and so I was.  I always wanted them to know that I was interested and proud of them. And now that I have grandkids…I want them feel how important they are to me, too. I am going to carve out the time that it takes for them to look from the field and see me sitting there…with nothing on my mind but them. I want them to feel in their heart how important they are to me.  And when I’m there, my phone will be put away. I will be looking up and out and sharing their lives.

I miss my dad, so much. He wasn’t one of those dads that came to games, but he was one that helped me when things broke, and he was there for me when life got too hard. And he made me laugh and he loved me and I could feel that. I want my kids and grands to feel that too.

We all love in our own ways….We are making memories and we can paint them any color that we choose. Bring on spring!  I’ll be on the bleachers with smile. Believe it. Maybe I’ll see you there.

I held him, wrapped in his favorite blanket, walking and singing so quietly…then, quietly and deliberately we sank deeply into the overstuffed chair. The only light in the room was that of the moon…so generously given and right outside the window. I began to rock so slowly…and singing his favorite lullaby, I heard the soft breathing of a little baby boy that was back in dreamland.  I never knew what woke him on those nights…bad dreams or maybe a noise from something stirring outside? Truly, whatever it was…I’ll always be thankful for those moments…He would be standing there, in his crib, tears streaming down his perfect little face and I’d hurry to him…begging what was the matter??? I’d grab him up and hold him so close to me that he knew right away that it was all going to be okay and his crying would stop and I’d feel him relax and let go of all that held him so rigidly captive, there, alone, in his bed. It was on those nights that this mommy knew why my soul had chosen to be here…it was magic, pure and simple.

As the years flew by, there were times he would let me wrap him up in his old blanket, his legs and feet hanging out of the end of it…and we would both pretend that he wasn’t 4 years old.  And my heart would break, just a little bit, knowing that this would be one of the last times that I’d ever get to do that…holding on to him for dear life…and smelling the summer in his hair, my little boy would someday have a little boy of his own.

I wonder if my mother ever goes back in her memory and holds us again…I hope that she does.  It’s so powerful, what our minds can do when we allow them to. My memories are so clear and so strong that if you’d ask any one of my senses, they would agree that holding my babies…once again… is as real as the first time I’d held them. With their little arms wrapped around our necks, trust and love and purpose is reborn.

What wonder does this day hold?  Each moment that I live I am making more memories to either hold on to, or allow to just float away. Let’s be ever aware that although we can’t really hear the passing of time…it passes, just the same.  I look at my mother as I look in the mirror. As sure as the sun rises, the sun sets. There is an urgency that lives in my heart as it, daily, reminds me to get it all in. Eat delicious food…give the shoes away that hurt my feet, clean out the closets and give things away…lord knows I haven’t even touched that stuff in at least 7 years…. feed someone that is hungry, hug anyone that needs one. Work at something that feels like play…hold my grandbabies and make sure they feel a love so strong that they can hold on to it for as long as they live. And here’s one for you….while we’re at it…lets hold our babies, even though they have babies of their own. Let’s hold on to them even if we have to reach up to do it. Let’s get those hugs in…because we need them. I don’t mean those shoulder hugs and turned-face cheek kisses that mean people do…I’m talking about a hug that leaves no question….I love you, is what it says.  I love you so much!!!

Everyone needs a hug, no matter how rough and tough on the outside…everyone has a heart that needs to feel love. Let’s not regret one moment that we could have given something of value to someone that we love. Our time, our attention, our interest, our compassion….love. Let’s give love. It’s not like we only have a little left…we have LOTS of love to give away.  It’s like a boomerang…we give it and it turns right back around and returns to us.  We will never run out of love. So let’s spread it around! Let’s do it today….how about now. Call someone that could use a kind word and to know that we care about them. Let’s not think that we will do it tomorrow. As many people could tell you, today….there may never be a tomorrow. Shuffle the deck….what is important to you?  Don’t keep it a secret…

“Shower the People you love with love,

Show them the way that you feel…

Things are gonna be much better if you only will.”  (James Taylor)

The sun is shining so brightly this morning and it is just in time, too. Yesterday I was focused on escaping the darkness and today…blessed with so much light…I think of all that I can accomplish. Taking the last tepid sip of my coffee, I look to the windows, intent to see the light filtering through the bare limbs of the sleepy trees…and what do I see?  What is my focus?  A split second ago I was feeling that my day was just beginning…and now??? My only thought was, How!!! How did my windows get this dirty??? And an even greater question…why didn’t I notice it before?  It’s a wonder I can see any tree at all.  Note to self: call to get the windows cleaned…I can’t reach those windows…thank goodness. I don’t have the time to clean them!!! Now I have to stop and get this done…and I still have to make my bed. What time is it!???

See how quickly I can create a negative mood for myself??? In the blink of an eye I went from feeling that all things were possible to feeling more than mildly perturbed about how dingy and dirty my windows look…and rightfully so, too. They’ve been beaten by leaves and wind, frost and snow from the outside and there has been an endless offering from the inside, too. The fireplace, the bird, the kitchen….who knows what…but now I sit at the crossroads.

Right here and right now…this is where the old me and the new me have a little talk. I felt my heart rate increasing and my stress level going up a notch. The old me screams that I just don’t have the time to deal with this…I’ll have to take everything out of the way of the windows, all of the furniture… and I’ll have to take all of the stained glass off of the windows…It’s going to take me hours!!! And the money!!! It’s so expensive!!! And I talk myself into joining in the misery of just THINKING about getting the windows cleaned.

And then…thankfully, the new, older and wiser me, clears my throat and gently interrupts…talking just loudly enough to be heard…but not loudly enough to presume to be the boss…the old me doesn’t like being told what to do. And when in the middle of a self-inflicted chaos situation…a calming force seems patronizing…even if it’s from me!!!

And so I wait for a breath and begin to assure myself that the windows will be here tomorrow. I suggest that I set a date for their cleaning for two weeks from today or even longer, if I want.  This gives me the time to get ready for it. No stress…No hurry….and it’ll be so worth it when they are clean again and we can see everything that the seasons have to offer.

Hmmmm, that sounds like a winner. Yes, indeed. My mood returns to terrific and all is well…my coffee cup is in the sink and I’m off to the studio to finish this amazing transom. Catastrophe averted…No one was hurt…and it’s Friday!  Everything good happens on Fridays….and Saturdays…and Sundays……..and …….every day. We just have to make sure that it’s so.

I’m so glad that we had this little talk. Everyone wins!

I wonder if I wait for just a little while…maybe…maybe my heart will feel lighter. It’s dark outside my window and I swear, as I sit here, in my writing chair…that darkness is trying with all of its might to seep inside…any way that it can. So the first task of the day is to keep the darkness outside, where it belongs. All things are possible when my day begins with a hot cup of coffee, the comforting smell of French Vanilla is keeping the darkness at bay.

I lit the fireplace and Chico is in position, laying on his side, soaking up the heat.  All is well, from his perspective, now….to work on my own.  It can feel like a huge game of tug of war…this life of mine. Sometimes I’m dressed for battle, ready to take on anyone that wants a turn…and sometimes, times like right now…I’d really rather curl up in a ball and wake up when everything feels right again. I know that can’t happen…I mean, curling up in a ball…that never works. And if I want things to feel right, I know that I’m the only one that make that happen.  I guess maybe everyone takes their turn at this… at some point in their lives. I’ve, certainly, been here before. It feels like being powerless…it’s  the feeling of someone else taking the wheel and leaving you the sum total of the wreckage they’ve made with their choices. And with no roadmap I have only a compass to find my way out. The feeling like I’ve been here before gives me plenty of hope. “I’ve been there and done that” and came out of it stronger and wiser than before, so I’ll start there.

This morning my mother is in the hospital again. Each time this happens my heart twists so tightly that I can hardly take a breath.  She is 83 years old and is so tired and weak…and I’m not there with her. According to the doctors here, I can’t take a COVID test because I don’t have any symptoms and haven’t been around anyone that is sick…their advice is to stay away from my mother right now. And that….is why I have this huge, unmoving lump in my throat…and it squeezes the tears up….all the way up from my heart.  

Knowing that none of this will help anyone or anything, I need to change into my battle gear. I will finish this cup of coffee and get to work on myself. I need to change gears and start to get grateful, right now.  I need to see my mom sitting in her favorite chair, smiling as I walk into the room. I hear her voice as she cracks some witty comment and makes us all laugh.  She is rolling her eyes at some news anchor and calling someone names, like they can hear her from her chair.  I see her as a young woman, with three little girls, smiling as we all fight over the last meatball. I see her with her grandbabies, all of them running all over the room on Christmas morning. I feel her arms holding me while I cried and reminding me that things always get better. That the noise will never get too loud if we can turn it into music.  No matter what….

And she is right…again.

I want to be there with my mom, this morning. I can’t. And, no, I don’t like the feeling of being beaten and helpless…none of us do. When this happens, I set my timer to allow myself just a little bit of grace.  I know that tears, when I allow them the time to fall, help my heart to heal.  I, also, know that it can become way too easy to stay there, in sadness…to feel inclined to just pitch a tent, put my feet up and stay…I can’t do that, either.

But I can be so grateful that my sister is there with her. She is getting the care that she needs and she knows how much I love her. I send her all healing prayers and I send to everyone that loves her…the peace that comes from knowing that all is as it should be.  There is a season for all things under the sun. I have to know she will be well again. She always finds her way back. And I pray that she does it again. How I love her.

I don’t think that any of us know the power that we have, especially when we feel powerLESS. I’m thankful that I get a glimpse of that.  I’m going to take baby steps today until I feel better and I’ll start with this cup of coffee. As a bonus I can always count on the snuggles of my fat Chihuahua. I’ll ready for the day and wait for word of what’s happening in Elkhart.  In the words of my mother, I will trust that everything will get better…and with the help of James Taylor, and the glass in my studio, I’ll turn it all into music.

Good Morning!!!! At 3:30am!!!  I was wide awake and apparently the message for my love letter today couldn’t wait until I was ready to drink some coffee and think about it. Nope! There it was, in the form of a spider web…built with perfect precision, stretched from one post of our deck to the next. Each strand was perfectly and symmetrically woven and was just so exquisite, expansive and beautiful. The fact that the spider wasn’t in the picture made it so much easier for me to admire it.  In the picture, given to me, before the sun had even given thought to being born this day, the web was covered so delicately in frost and the sun gave it the glint of diamonds and I couldn’t stop looking at it…it was breathtaking.

Now, mind you, on any given day, if I’d see a huge spider web stretched between the posts of our deck…anywhere near our patio chairs I’d have taken the broom to it…sparing it not a thought. And if I’d found the artist spider in it, on it, or around that web, I’d have relocated it to the woods behind our house. Seriously, not a fan of spiders or their webs.  

Yet, here I was, in the wee hours…wide awake, in the dark, being as quiet as possible (I didn’t want Chico to think it was time to get up)  trying to quiet my mind…suggesting that maybe later I’d be more receptive of whatever the message was. But that’s when I “heard” it. Not in a voice or anything…rather, a thought that was being insistent that I try to define it, in words. And it continued to repeat the message by showing me pictures, urging me to play with words, until I guess I must have gotten it right.  I felt that sweet relief of drowsiness and knew that I was soon going to be back in dreamland…my last thought was that I hoped I’d remember all of this. After all, I’d certainly worked for it.

So, here it is….it’s about the beauty of the ordinary. It’s about how we all can walk right by or walk around some of the greatest treasures that were actually put there for us to enjoy. It is about how we need to be looking for the beauty of everyday things…expecting to find them. And it’s about how we should be ready to try…even just a little, to unearth the gifts that are hidden everywhere we look for them. Like the beauty of hard work in the form of neatly stacked towels…like the colors of the brightest rainbows hidden beneath the years of dust and grime on old stained-glass windows. It’s the sparkle of clean floors after just a bit of elbow grease. When a gentle breeze blows the leaves around and arranges them in the corners, it’s the smell of the earth that reminds us that it’s great to be alive and those same corners, when the leaves have been raked and removed remind us that leaves fall and die so that new ones may take their rightful place in the sun. It’s the color of a grasshopper, a butterfly, and a bluebird. And, after thinking about it, I have to admit that even some spiders are truly beautiful. It’s the smile on your face and the soft breathing of a sleeping child. It’s a life that is saved from another that’s been lost. It’s the love that we share, any way that we can. It’s about taking the time that has been given to us to be grateful for the beauty that is all around us.

Maybe it’s by sharing what you find in the beauty that lives just beneath.

I read something this morning and I’ve seen it before. Every week, the same kind and caring woman posts a message to all of us in our community. In this post she asks us if we are well, if we have food, are we warm? She asks if there is anything that we need. The outpouring of love that I’ve read over the weeks has inspired me and has given me new hope.

In the responses, someone will say that they need a warm blanket…someone else needs a mechanic that she can trust and that won’t overcharge her. Someone needed money to buy the gas that she needed to get to work that week. Someone lost their home in a fire and needed everything.  There was a family that needed food and couldn’t get to food bank.  There are people that ask for prayers as they have a loved one needing a miracle.   Someone has just gotten a new job and needs clothes, someone else has just moved here and needs a friend.  Someone needs daycare and someone else needs a frying pan.

Every week and every time I’ve read the responses, I’m back in my junk car…praying I’d make it to work before I ran out of gas.  I’m back in time, and it wasn’t all that long ago, it was me that didn’t have black shoes and pants that I needed to start my new job and I didn’t have the money to get them, either. It was me that had a broken down car and no money to fix it.  Me! When day care was taking more than half of my pay check and my kids needed school clothes and a size larger shoes…my God …how was I going to do it???  I couldn’t take them to the dentist…I just couldn’t afford it…

It was me that couldn’t pay for the new books twice a year for book rental…and me that didn’t know how I was going to be able to get the brand name things for my kids…because they wanted to be like their friends. And being a poor kid, I remember how it felt to not have the cool stuff…I just wanted my life to be easier…I was afraid to even dream of a better and bigger life.  Of course, I know better now….but then??? It was misery and stress and sadness and FEAR!

My friend’s post each week reminds me that I can change the course of someone’s life with just a simple act of kindness…And the responses to her posts help me to see just how I can help. Someone needs gas money??? That’s pretty easy, right there. Venmo.  Someone needs baby toys?  Ha! I happen to have some of those. Oh! You need a pan, you say? Funny! I happen to have a couple that I was planning to leave at good will. Someone needs a friend? Always room for another friend.  I have so much and some have so little. It feels like I’m doing the work of the angels when I can help someone that needs it.

What stopped me, today, and practically wrote itself on this page, is that there is need and want all around. And we can all help. If it’s a cup of coffee for a stranger…or a couple dollars to cover someone that is too afraid to even dare to ask for help… To buy a tank of gas for someone that you can just tell needs the kindness of someone that cares… To dig through your cabinets for things that you haven’t touched or needed for years…or you can do what my friend Dawn has done…care enough to post something to your neighbors and community and ask if they are well…do they need food….what can we do to help.  What a blessing it is to watch and see how love floats around…from one of us to another of us. This is a chance for Karma to do her best work. What we give…we will receive…whether good or bad. Let’s be generous and kind and let’s help those that haven’t found their way to a better and easier life. Let’s give without expectation of return. Let’s be the reason that someone thanks God that their prayers were answered. There is a reason that we are prompted to do this or that….It’s prayers being answered, and the universe bending to manifest all that we need and want. I’m so very blessed to be able to help others. The light that lives in us all is asking us to hold out our hands. Let’s give today a chance to let love will win. We all need that.

This morning, as I laid there in the darkness, I became so acutely aware of the soundlessness of this time of our new day. I began to seek any signs of life outside our bedroom door….and with the exception of the soft and predictable snoring of Chico, resident fat Chihuahua, there was none. Isn’t it wonderful?  To have any time to just be…to use the silence to hear the answers asked of the angels…to rest in quiet gratitude for the beating of my own heart and the breathing that keeps me alive another day?  Breathing in and then out…the sound of it is wonderful when I just listen…just keeping focus on my breathing I can feel my very essence and it is well with my soul.  I’m missing nothing…all is well.

After just a few moments in this quiet world my mind began to change focus and I realized that I was ready for the day. Oh, yes, I was ready…but the world outside was still at rest. I wondered, why would I seek to hear the noise that surely will begin, soon enough?  Car doors slamming, engines roaring, dogs barking and as soon as Mambo, our bird, knows that I’m awake…the house will fill with his/her chatter. Profanity thrown round, like seed, he repeats the words and phrases he’s been taught over the years…from one human to the next.  He actually speaks and I hear my father’s voice. He “coughs” like my dad did.  He says “hello” in the voice of my Aunt Lois. He has Marks voice as he says, “Come here, birdie” and I’ve even heard my own voice as he says, “hi!” I hope that he doesn’t repeat all that he hears around here.  If he does, I’ll just blame it on Mark.

Such a peaceful feeling, here in our home. The coffee is just right and our kitchen feels so happy to see me. The lights outside are peeking round to see who is up and I just heard the first dog. Mambo just greeted me, “Hello!!!”  Soon he will want a pecan and the day begins in earnest.

This is the day that I get to go to Broad Ripple. I love it there. I’ll be taking my Christmas/Birthday earrings to my jeweler to be mounted into settings that will make it nearly impossible for me to lose. I have never been a graceful kind of girl…and there’s nothing self-deprecating about that statement. It’s just fine with me. Yes, I can dress for the ball and I’ll find something wonderful in being there…probably the music…but the real me is just waiting for the moment that I’d hang that gown back on its hanger and jump back into my sneakers. And so it is, with my jewelry. It can’t be a dainty chain or a cluster of anything. I work hard with my hands and any ring that dares to take the ride with me, had better hold on for dear life.  And, as these earrings are the most beautiful earrings I’ve ever had…I want to take away the Lynee’ factor. Sweatshirts on and off…brushing hair and back into the clips that keep it from hindering me while I work…Masks on and then off…oh the life of an earring when it’s mine. I’ve lost too many. But not these. These earrings will be passed from me to the next generation and be cherished as the beautiful gift that they are. 

And while I’m there, in Broad Ripple, I’ll walk into the gift store across the street. There are so many handmade creations there and inspiration, anxiously waiting to come home with me. I won’t stay long because there is a big panel waiting for me to finish. It’s going to be among the most beautiful of all of them.

The roads are clear, I have masks and sanitizers and plan to stay socially distanced. My hearts needs to see my mom and I just can’t stand the thought of her getting sick. I love her so much.

I look forward to the day that I can hug everyone that I want to hug.  I want to go visit friends that live elsewhere and meet them for coffee. I need to see my grandkids, even in California.  I long for the days when getting a cold doesn’t make me wonder if this is “it”. And those days will come. It’s what we do today that matters. I’m going to be happy today. I will make sure of that. And I hope that you do, too.  Happy Monday.

It’s Sunday evening! How did I get here?  It’s kind of like, sometimes, when I’m driving…I arrive at my destination without a single clue about what I’d missed. Which route did I take? How can I switch to automatic pilot without actually deciding to?  I just pull out of my drive, intent to get “there” and when I land, well…It’s just a blur. I really have to work on that. It can’t be safe, right? And not only that, I am just giving the moments of my life away…to the cloud.

I have spent the day in overdrive…my head on a swivel…going from one task to the next, working my way around a big circle…dabbling in the kitchen, doing laundry…OH! I forgot to feed the dogs. Brittany spent the night last night. It was so great to see her in the kitchen. I love to cook so when Brittany is home…its BREAKFAST time! Love that!

Next, it was time to go to my studio and get some work done. Someone had found my business on the internet and asked if I could repair a stained glass panel that his mother had made. He said that his grandson had broken it with a golf ball. Thankfully, I had the glass to match the broken pieces and was able to help him. He dropped it off yesterday and I really wanted to get it done and back to him as soon as I could.  As I was working on it, I felt that same sense of urgency that I’d felt all morning…and it was self-inflicted. I hadn’t even taken the time to look at this piece that his mother had made. Clearly, it meant the world to him…and he had trusted me to make it beautiful and whole again. After replacing the broken pieces and repairing some other things to make sure that it would hang securely, I applied the black patina to create the perfect contrast between the glass and the solder. Inspecting every last inch of the panel, I saw every imperfection. That’s not a comment about finding faults…it’s more an acknowledgement that this gift from his mother to him was a handmade expression of love. I sure could feel that as I worked on it. I felt a sense of pride and relief, too…that after all of these years of trial and error, of lessons learned from some wonderful teachers, I was able to bring this precious stained glass panel back to life.

This piece was made a long time ago.  He said as much when he picked it up to take it back home again.  And yes, that made the repair more of a challenge…old solder and old wax…the dust and dirt of so many years that had covered every bit of it. But the harder I rubbed the more the beauty of that glass shone through. And that’s the way that it was meant to be.

Hanging around this planet for 64 years has made it a bit easier to see the beauty of so many things that lie just beneath…And when a certain light just begs for the chance to make it dance again, I am filled with all of the joy you’d expect to be any part of granting that wish.

It feels right, taking a moment to be grateful for this day. I was able to help someone that thought they’d lost something special. The look of gratitude on his face made me know that I’m doing exactly what I should be doing. That’s a pretty great way to spend a day.

Saturday morning woke up early and whispered to me, “Come on! Coffee is on!!!”

Now how could I resist?  Quietly, I crept from our bedroom, lit the fireplace and smiled to myself, watching our fat Chihuahua, Chico, arduously climb onto the hearth, clumsily collapse and roll to one side. He does this every winter morning. He anticipates my early rise and waits…tail wagging as fast as a tail can wag, he waits for the door to open, just the smallest of cracks and bursts through to run to the fireplace and wait….looking up at me impatiently…COME ON!!!  Once in position he stretches out as far as he possibly can, and with that belly …it’s impressive. He’s been on a diet this week and I hate that for him but its past time. And little does he know that once the weather doesn’t threaten to freeze me to the spot, he is going to go on walks with me, too. Oh, how he will hate that….trust me….I know he will hate it. But I want him to live forever so…

I just looked at Bella…speaking of fat…and she looked away from me, as though she knew what I’m saying here. She will be walking with me too. She, too, must live forever.

This is the weekend that will see all things Christmas being sorted and wrapped and carefully placed into their respective boxes, only this year each box will be labeled for my next Christmas’ delight and ease.  Oh, yes, I know that it’s WAY past time to get this done. But since I’m the head grown-up here, and the self-appointed Queen of Christmas, I wanted to feel it until I didn’t…and now….I’m ready. Not a trace of sadness here. I have a sparkly feeling that spring is just around the corner. So, color me ready. 

As a little girl, I remember how it looked each year, after our way-too-dried- out Christmas tree had been drug out through the front door on an old bed sheet…pine needles holding on to the area rug for dear life.  I’d look where the tree once stood and saw so much possibility!  All of that room!!!!  We could do cartwheels in there! We would stretch out our arms and twirl and twirl and never touch a wall or slam into a piece of furniture.  And it was all fun and games until, as one would expect, the first of many pine needles would find one of us and remind us that it was time to help mom to sweep up the mess. And as hard as we would try to find them all, pine needles would find us, the hard way, for months and months.

When the tree comes down each year, here in our home, it always surprises me how lonely the room can look…but just for a little while. There is just so much room where it once stood.  And I wait for the sound of the door to close. Because you can believe, when that last section of our beautiful Christmas tree is on its way to be hoisted to the top of the pole barn…and when no one is looking, I’ll be twirling. Oh yes, I will. My arms stretched out…and closing my eyes, I’ll be in our living room on East Jackson Blvd, in footie pajamas, arms stretched out as far as they will go and I will twirl and twirl. And the joy that I feel has lasted through the years, just as real and just as magical.

So much joy, visiting my life from days and years ago…love lives in those moments. Visiting my little girl days fills my heart and I’m so thankful that I get to see our mother, young and healthy again, watching us twirling and probably imagining herself as a little girl…at least, I hope so.

My life continues to be blessed.  Each day that I live gathers moments to remember...people and places in time, choices that I’ve made, love that I’ve shared…all touching the days of my life. And when the memories aren’t as wonderful as I would have liked for them to be, I can easily, through the eyes of someone that has lived 64 years, see the lessons there. And I can see how those lessons led me to where I am today. I was never stuck…I was just on my way to what was next. Today, I’m stronger than ever imagined, and I’m using the gifts that have been given to me. Where there once was fear, there is only excitement. Every day holds new gifts with our names on them.  I can’t wait to see to see what waits inside.  I will live in this day, in all of its glorious detail, and will revisit it my tomorrows. Because, man, oh man… once just isn’t enough.

What a difference a day makes. I woke up several times during the night to find that I could roll right back over and try to start where I left off in my dreams…I love that.

When the alarm went off I was actually excited because today I plan to create an amazing, healthy and delicious breakfast for my friends, here, in my neighborhood. It will all be ready at 7:00am and I could hardly wait to begin baking and cooking…

Soon my kitchen smelled like sausage and eggs and pumpkin  pie…hot coffee, ready to keep me company…I love these mornings. It’s only for an hour or so, before they have to go to work. It feels like family here and I am so happy.

Then down to the studio to work (play) with some glass and watch something that makes me feel happy on the television.  If that doesn’t cut it…there is always Carrie Newcomer right at the tip of my fingers…just push play.

This day is mine and I plan to enjoy it. There is no room for sadness or anxiety. I am going to use every bit of it to heal my heart. No news today….nothing but the feeling of peace and hope. It shouldn’t take long.  It’s taken 64 years for me to realize that sometimes the screaming has to be turned down a bit. I can’t hear the words if the noise gets too loud.

Tomorrow I will be up for the challenge….today, I need to feel like I feel right now.  Like a long, deep breath…Like the smell of lavender….like a slow sip of good red wine….like there is love where I seek to find it. I think I’ll just stay here today….I can feel it here…right now.

Peace and love to every single one of you.

So many things…too many things that are beyond my control…and my tears fall, and my heart breaks and I sit here, my head in my hands, begging for answers from the angels. Why is this happening?  What can I do? How can I help? More to the point…. can I help at all???? Even just a little bit….?

I could go to my studio and turn the music up LOUD and try to divert my own attention…but somehow, I feel that I owe, at least, my tears. If it were just one thing, maybe…but this convergence of horrible is just overwhelming this morning.

I do know what to do and how to get through all of this….and I understand that time heals all wounds…though I think that the word “heal” is an overstatement. I need to turn my head and give my attention to things that feel better than this. I need to call my mother and hear her voice.  I need to take a walk…watch the sunrise…hug someone for as long as they’ll let me…tightly.  Yesterday it was a bunch of rhetoric…more of it. And it sounded like background noise that would eventually just go away. Today, not so much. People died, again, and it feels like things will never be the same. Justifications being thrown around so none of the blame sticks where they don’t want it to stick…but I saw it…all of it. And I know who they are.

I’ve been there, protesting. I’ve been there since I was a young girl. Signs in my hands and my voice as loud as I could make it. I’ve stomped my feet and held my clenched fist in the air and felt like I was part of a solution to make the world better…at least from where I stood. I have fought the good fight and used the freedoms guaranteed to me by those that have given their lives to protect it…And now look.  I felt safe, before. I knew that I had the right to say what I wanted to say. I could attend any rally I wanted to attend, with or without a sign…and I’d be safe there.  Not today. Today, I could be injured or killed by a group of people that don’t want me to disagree with them. And if I voiced my opposition, I’d be kicked out…shut down…and silenced.  Before, I could have a bumper sticker on my car or a sign in my yard, and no one would vandalize my car or my yard…. not today. My tears fall because I’m a coward, today. I feel like hiding…silent. Pathetic. Afraid. Is this how they have gotten so strong? Because people like me grow silent and afraid?

Before, I could bring my children with me, and show them that civil disobedience is the only way, sometimes…that to change things, we must be willing to fight for those things…because they don’t change themselves….CIVIL disobedience. Not this war, playing out before our very eyes. This is not what our founders meant.  Today, I would hide them and shield them from what I have seen…today, the rules are forever changed, it seems. Is this how the world is now? God, it can’t be. Today I grieve for all of us

What has happened to love and respect and kindness??? I know that it lives in me, still. Does it live in you? Can I trust again? Can I believe again? Yes! I must.  We all have to.  If we don’t, if we allow them to silence us, the only voice that the world would hear are those that are filled with hatred and disillusioned by conspiracy. And that’s not good enough. Not for me. We all have a hand in the change we must live to see. We must raise our children to be nice, to share, to be kind, to be fair, to be respectful…We have to be the example, verbally and in our actions…. because our children are watching our every move. They will be like us when they have the wheel. I have to believe that kindness and love will prevail. Love thy neighbor…thou shall not kill!!!!

Let me begin this day, again. I know that good thoughts bring more good thoughts. And bad thoughts…well, you know.  I’ll dry my tears and get on with it.  I’ll seek, today, the warmth of the sun and pray that it takes away this evil chill, living on the fray. I’ll begin again…by counting my blessings.  We are healthy, and safe in our home. Those are two of the greatest blessings…right off the bat! Let’s look for the good in people. It’s the only way we will find it. Let the light of love shine in us all. This, too, shall pass.  It must.

It’s so foggy outside and judging by how quickly Chico went out and ran back in…it must be really cold too.  I know that we have a long way to go, but I’m already homesick for warm weather.  It happens every year, too. I mean, we all know that it’s coming. The leaves hang on the trees for as long as they can…and then, in defeat, finally let go. The ground that was so supple is now so hard and unforgiving and the frozen grass cracks and crumbles beneath our feet. The layer of thick frost, intent to stay, is nearly impossible to scrape from my windshield.  I know that, since there are months of this ahead, I need to do my part to stay buoyant, and happy. It’s sometimes hard to do when it’s so gray and gloomy and unwelcoming. And it sometimes tries to seep beneath the doors as I shake off the cold.  I have to find a way not to dread it, any part of it

So, maybe it’s time for some kind of a plan. This year I refuse to be held captive by the cold. Maybe it’s time for some self-love. Have you ever noticed that when you focus on one thing, all else seems to fade? I think I’ll take advantage of that and I’ll start today. 

As a little girl I would come down the stairs in my nightgown and try to be the first one to get to the register in the dining room. It was about 12” wide and made of some thick black metal. Being barefoot and wearing a “dress” I stood there, shivering….teeth chattering…and how I loved it when the furnace would kick on and all of that glorious heat would come up and surround me in comfort….I remember so vividly, the warm air pushed so hard that it even moved my hair…how warm and cozy I felt. Mom would always come through the dining room and laugh at me, “You made it first, again!”   Yes! I did! Comfortable, by design. But she would always say the same thing…”You wouldn’t be cold if you put your socks on and got dressed before coming down.”  Yes, I knew that. But when you’re already cold from coming out from under the blankets, no one wants to put on cold socks and take off the warm nightgown to wear cold clothes.  I liked my plan better.  That floor register was glorious, and until my sisters came down, it was all mine!

Today, as I got out of bed, I had my warm slippers at the ready. God, I love my slippers. And I have a warm robe that waits for me at the end of my bed. My writing chair is poised, and my coffee is ready to share some inspiration with me. I’m warm and it feels wonderful. That’s a great place to start.  I want to wear this all day. This feeling that all is wonderful…and there’s no dread in sight. I’m the only one that can do that, I know.   I am the only one that can start my day in bliss and keep it that way until I get back into my bed.  I need to fill this day with the good stuff and focus on how that feels.

I am going out today…and I’ll warm up my car…good and toasty. I’ll find my gloves, the ones my daughter got for me for Christmas (I think) because they actually work with my phone…some magic in the fingertips. I’ll leave in plenty of time so that there is no pressure or stress of being late. I’ll plan to spend as much time as I need there so I don’t feel antsy or anxious. I have a hard time sitting still for very long…and getting my hair done seems to take SO LONG!!! She’s actually very fast and very good…so it’s me, not her.

And then, on my way home, I’ll stop for groceries. FUN!!! I’ll take my time and not forget anything. I’ll wear my mask all day and be thankful that it’s helping me and everyone around me to try to stay safe from the virus. I’ll stop for dog food, the good kind, because they deserve it. Apparently I need to cut back even more on their food….I hate to do that…but MAN!  They are FAT!

When I land back home, I’ll go into my sanctuary, studio, and play with glass, staying warm and happy and thankful that the cold didn’t get me today. Nope, not today!!! My plan is to stay busy and to focus only on the good stuff. There will be no room for misery…no room in my day for dread. To dread is to give one’s power away. And that’s not in my plan.

Dinner will be healthy and delicious, and Mark won’t even know that we’re trying to stay healthy. All part of my covert plan to live long and prosper.  May we all stay warm and well. Lets make a plan, live deliberately, and be thankful for yet another day to count our blessings. Peace.

I am feeling so cozy right now. I am sitting in my writing chair, enjoying the quiet of the place. Mark is gone for the day, Chico is sleeping beneath the dog blanket, and Bella is sprawled out on the kitchen rug, chasing something in her dreams. Even the bird is allowing me the time to just sit here and reflect.  It is my favorite time of the day. I am rested and everything is fresh and new. My attention is swimming round, looking for a place to stay…The day is ready.

My cinnamon coffee is doing its job. It is delicious and I can feel the effects of its magic, already. I’m so ready to get going on what will be the day that I finish a big transom. It’s been on my table for weeks. It contains the ashes of my client’s mother. It’s every color of the beach in every phase of the sun…from it’s majestic rise and set- with oranges and reds, textured and smooth, cathedral and opal…it’s every color of blue, like the reflection of the sky across the water. It holds the warmth you can just feel in the tans and sparkly diamond white of the sand. It will hang as an entrance to the pool area. It’ll be perfect there. I can’t wait to see pictures. It will hold the energy of the sun as it sparkles the room. And it’ll hold the romance of the day, dressed for evening, in it’s muted glowing colors. I love what I get to do!!! It’s magic.

Who would have guessed!!!! It wasn’t that long ago when I working in a stressful job, surrounded by people that didn’t seem to like me much, I felt as if I’d never make it…Every day was worse than the day before and I felt stuck…and defeated. Nothing was working out the way that I’d envisioned it. And no matter how hard I tried, people in authority…well, let’s say that I knew I needed to breath and find the joy that I knew was there.

Oh, I was making good money and felt ashamed by my constant internal complaining…so, I decided to try something that I’d only read about. To change my life, I had to change my mind. I decided to like my job and the people around me. I’d be the best that I could be and ignore any of the negativity that had been all around me.  Funny, how things and conditions change when a mindset changes. I decided to be more grateful than I was miserable…and one by one, my bosses disappeared.  No, I didn’t make them disappear…they went to other jobs in other places and I was suddenly working for people that I loved and admired. And being happy and oh, so relieved, I went to work every day, happy! It’s hard to dream of better days when you feel stuck.  But over the years I’ve learned that the only way to get unstuck is to be thankful for what IS working and start from there and that’s what I did. I worked hard and dreamed BIG!

 I began to dream of having a business of my own.  I wrote in a journal as if my dreams had already come true.  So, every day I thanked the universe for all the joy in my life. I wrote, as the owner of my own stained-glass business, about all of the people I’d met and helped. Mind you this was all before I’d even bought a kiln to create the pieces that I do today.  This was before I knew anything about how to start my own business…this was before I even knew that I would be able to create stained glass art that incorporated fused cremation glass. I just knew that I wanted to help people that were grieving. And this was way before any of it had come true….yet, I dared to dream and to believe it could happen. I focused on the end result.

In my dream journal I was retired before I was 60. I wasn’t working in a bedroom or garage…but in my own studio. In my dream journal I was thanking all that is holy for how it felt to spend my days, listening to music, smelling lavender, and creating art that would bless the people who wanted it. I was, especially grateful, in my vision/dream journal, for being able to help people who had lost someone that they loved. After all, that was my DREAM.

Today, I am 64 years old.  I’ve been retired since I was 59. I’ve moved from the kitchen, to the bedroom to the garage, and now have the perfect stained-glass studio.  I own my own business and am my own boss…Turns out I’m pretty understanding if I need a day to play. Everything on that journal page has come to fruition. I am wildly happy and feel blessed beyond measure.  I do believe that thoughts become things…and as one of my favorite teachers have proved to me, it works best when I am deliberate and choose good thoughts. Thanks to Mike Dooley and his amazing work. It’s helped me to realize that I am not stuck…and neither are you. The universe holds everything that you wish for, dream of, and ask for.  A friend of mine taught me, years and years ago, “You have not because you ask not!”  So, now, I ask. I visualize it, believe it’s possible and then I go on my merry way…but I know like I know…it’ll happen, when and how it’s supposed to.   I know it sounds a bit “out there”…but I’m living proof!  Dreams do come true.  You just have to ask. And believe it’s possible…because it is! Happy Tuesday, January 5, 2021.

I woke up smiling. I have no idea what I dreamed of last night, but it woke me up with a smile.  I love that when that happens. I laid there trying to remember any part of my dreams…there was nothing.  Oh well, guess I’ll keep the smile and carry on. Today is Monday. I’ve planned for this day since the first day of 2021. I’ve had so much fun over the holidays…I mean SO MUCH FUN! And I knew I’d have to pay up eventually…and today that day. Today is the day I get started. I have eaten anything that even looked like a cookie….and tried every pretty cocktail, holiday themed concoction and craft beer that was offered, presented, or purchased.  It’s been a great ride, let me tell you. I slid out of 2020 only to be standing upright and ready to get on with a heathier version of life. Hello 2021!!!  I’m actually looking forward to being more accountable and to eating healthy and delicious food. And best of all…bathing suit season won’t be something to dread. I plan to fully participate in all things summer, when it finally arrives.

There is something about being able to decide what I want for myself that excites me. Planning meals, finding time to move in ways that will test my muscle memory…all of it makes me feel so much better. I do know that when I eat well, I feel well. I even love grocery shopping when I have a plan in place.  And there’s nothing in my day that makes me feel deprived. I know how to do this. I’ve done it before. And when I’m where I want to be, feeling as I want to feel, I am proud of my choices and get a brand new wardrobe on the way…because there’s so much in my closet that  is practically brand new…I will be ready for Spring and will jump up and down (literally) when summer arrives.

So while I’m on this subject I really have to say that there is a secret to the whole Getting Back into Shape way of living.  I remember too many times for so many years, I would stand before my full length mirror and actually hate myself, hate my body, and I’d begin to bully myself over the choices that I’d made. I’d hide or look away….after staring at my imperfect physical body. One day, while standing there, I noticed that I’d never even looked into my own eyes. I wondered why?  Maybe I didn’t want to see the hurt that lived in there.  I’d inflicted so much pain, listening to my own hateful messages? I had this endless tape that I’d play any and every time that something didn’t look like it used to. I am telling you, I had lost the ability to love myself unconditionally. I would stand there, taking inventory of every bump or lump or imperfection and I was so sad and so angry…loathing this body that has been carrying my soul around for so many years.  Well, enough! There was no joy in it when my whole focus was on my physical and I’d grown tired of the disappointment…and so I decided to allow my spirit to drive the boat. The secret lies in what happened next.

I knew that affirmations worked on every other thing in my life. So I decided to allow it to work here, too. 

I am whole and I am willing. I have everything that I need and I can’t wait to begin this day. I am healthy and happy and proud to make only those choices that will serve me. I am strong and I am grateful for this body that loves me enough to keep on working and trying and continues to beat my heart. I am so grateful for this day and for this body and for the love that fills me up. Let this day find joy in hidden places.  I love you!  You’ve got this!!!!

And so now, it’s ON!  And truly, I am excited. It always amazes me what my body does…it’s a reflection of the choices that I make.  I will choose wisely. I won’t spend much time in front of a mirror…After using the affirmations, I know that   I will love myself…always…no matter what the scale says.  It’s incredible what happens when I love the weight off. I give myself pep talks…because I deserve them. There is so much more to this life than the numbers on the scale.

When there are so many things all around us that we cannot control…or remedy…this is one thing that we all can do. We can strive to be our best selves. And we can do it joyfully, without negative scrutiny.  When we look in the mirror, we can focus on what is possible and we can find something to love. It’s not that hard. Seeing my mother looking back at me in the morning mirror, reminds me of the love she has for me…what could I possibly hate about that? Seeing my not-so-perfect body, standing there naked and trusting, I choose to love it for everything that it is.  Willing, able, flexible (enough), and strong.  A body that has given birth to two people that light up this world. A body scared by glass cuts, by the rocks as I slid into home base, by stretch marks and from who knows what else…So, no, it’s not perfect…but I will tell you what it is-it is  more than willing to give it a go! When I say jump, it wants to know how high.  It wants to be in motion and stay in motion and it’s mine…it’s a part of me. I love it, this January 4, 2021. It’s here and I’m ready! Are you?

I was kept company in the wee hours of the morning by the Jalapenos that I ate last night, at dinner…They were grilled just right and how I loved them…Every last one of them. And so it was that I was wide awake at 2:30 am. I laid there, quietly, trying to find a way to ignore the obvious displeasure of my stomach. In the silence I noticed that my stomach was actually louder than the TV would be and so I contemplated a stealth-like journey into the TV room. No, not a good idea. I’d never go back to sleep if I was being entertained.

Then I remembered the air pods I’d gotten as a Christmas gift from Santa. Oh Santa!  I shouldn’t have!!! I could listen to an audio book and not wake anyone else…not the dogs, the bird, or Mark!  Hmmmm, I wonder how they work? Mark had charged them for me the day before. No better time than now to see how they work…so I got them out of their charging case and put them in my ears…pushed play!!!  That’s when I found out about the volume control…MY GOD that was LOUD!!! I know that I have much more to learn about these little babies but for now they would do just fine.  Ahhhhhh….quiet bliss, listening to an audio book called The 5 Second Rule. I love the voice of the author.  I got to the third chapter before sleep overtook me once again. 

But when I woke up this morning, my first thought was how badly I wanted to take up where I left off. What an amazing concept. So far, as I remember it, the author talks about a wonderful method to get things done.  It’s a way to not think your way out of doing things that are simply cluttering up your life. I love her style and approach. Just hearing it read to me from my audible library gets me feeling like I can do anything. And I can do it without reservation or self-sabotage.  I plan to listen to the rest of the book before using it, I want to get it right. Something so simple that can work so well….hey, I’m IN!

Today is Sunday, January 03, 2021, and I plan to make it a great day. Its lunch and then on to my studio and that beautiful glass piece that is waiting, patiently, for me to finish it and send it to its new home, in Texas.  I just facetimed with my sister and mother...it’s almost as good as being there…kind of…almost.

But, anyway, I hope that you all take just a moment to tell someone that you’re thinking about them and that you love them. Touch base with someone that may be just wishing that you’d give them a call…just to say hello. It’s hard on so many levels, this isolation thing we’re doing to keep ourselves and others as safe as possible.  So, let’s do what we can to lighten the heart of someone who just needs to feel that someone remembers them and cares about them. I wish for you and yours all of the joy your hearts can hold and may you find more blessings than you have the time to count.

The snow is falling this morning…big, fluffy flakes. Sleeping memories awaken to catch the flakes in their little girl hands trying, in vain, to see the patterns of the snowflakes…every single snowflake, an original design. I remember trying to catch them with my hands, only to see them melt before I could see their uniqueness.  Mom told us to keep our mittens on and we’d be able to see them. She warned us to hold our breath and look quickly. They weren’t meant to stay for long. And I’d watch the snowflakes floating down so slowly…turning end over end, round and round. There were so many snowflakes…how would I choose just one?  There it was! It’s was so big and perfect…I was so excited to see it…I stayed directly beneath it…and I watched it as it floated down….down….down. It landed, so gently, in the palm of my hand.  I held my breath and looked!!!! How did it do that!  It was perfect, indeed. Such a delicate and beautiful design. And it was the only one with that pattern!  A single snowflake among millions of snowflakes…with a beauty all its own.

Since I was just a little girl, I’ve delighted in catching snowflakes. They are as beautiful as they are unique. They land on my windshield and for just a split second I can see their design. So perfect…and I wish they could stay. I feel like that about flowers, too….and sunrises…so beautiful…I wish they could stay…just for a moment longer…so that I can take the time to really see every nuance…to smell every flower. Maybe that’s why my Christmas decorations are still up and shining…I’m not quite ready to say good bye. Closing everything up in their boxes again for a whole year…seems cruel. There is so much joy in all things Christmas. To everything there is a season…of this, I’m sure.

I think it’d be so much easier if there was something between now and warmer weather. Yes, there’s Valentine’s Day…and…more candy??? Ewwww    nope.  I mean, it’d be wonderful, wouldn’t it, if tomorrow was the beginning of spring?   I’d have flowers to plant and the pool to open?  We’d have warm days and gentle breezy evenings to look forward to…but as it isn’t even the middle of winter yet, I guess we will just have to intentionally find absolute joy in other ways. Thanks to my sister, Shelley, I’ve discovered birds.  I know that sounds strange, at least it did to me. But I love watching them…I feed them and look forward to seeing who comes to visit. Big red-headed woodpeckers and little chickadees and finches. I love how the finches are purple and yellow during the summer months…Cardinals are still my favorite…they make me believe that the angels are near and keeping their eye on us all.  Shelley bought me a bird book for Christmas, one year. I love it and I use it as a reference book to identify the occasional bird that isn’t familiar to me…yet. 

The time for spring will come when it’s ready. I can take this time to do the things that will make my life even better and leave more time for the pool.  I will clean out closets and donate the things that I haven’t even touched since we’ve moved here…I will sort my Tupperware and find lids! I will go through my kitchen drawers and collect what isn’t used…and get rid of it all! There is so much freedom in life-decluttered.

I will use this time to get myself ready for my bathing suit. It does me little good to begin getting back into shape in May…when I feel more like it. A body in motion stays in motion.  That, I know, is true. So, I begin today, albeit, slowly.  I, also, know that when I do five miles before I’ve done three…well, let’s just say that I will begin with three miles and work my way back up to five. Lookie there!  It’s only taken 64 years for that lesson to sink in.   I guess, better late than never.

It’s January 2, 2021 and I’m excited to see what this brand new year has for me and for those that I love.  Feeling full of gratitude for the years that have passed, I am ever optimistic for the days to come.  We have the ability to create the magic that lives in every choice that we make.  The pages are blank and we have the pen. If our goal is to enjoy the days of our lives, then let’s make the plan to do that.  Seek out, focus on and keep only the things that serve you in your goal to live your best life...to be able to lie awake just long enough at the end of every day to release to the universe, from the light that lives in us all our most sincere gratitude and thanks.  And to feel the love that lives in you today and always.  Happy New Year!