The world sleeps and the silence is palpable…I feel my heart beating and I search

for the perfect song to keep time with it. As one does when sleep eludes them, I

play with my memories and dream of days to come. It’s almost predictable when

I’m awake and passively perusing my memories that I land on something that I’ve

said or done and regretted. I relive those moments and suffer the feelings of

regret over and over and endlessly over again. I feel the sadness, my heart shrinks

and I hear myself speaking aloud, as if I was there…again…..still….

Being stuck, though self imposed, in those memories begs the question, Why? Is

there a life lesson to be gained by visiting these times in my memory? I’ve certainly

forgotten wonderfully glorious times in my past. Why can’t I get stuck there? I am

63 years old and I’ve been awake in a sleeping world many, many times. I do know

how to travel my own mind and I will escape the misery of being stuck in the mire

of regret. Yet, I wonder why these same moments in my memory entice me to visit

once again. An even bigger question is why I choose to stay…that maybe the

memory will change? That maybe now I will have learned something from it?

Once I’m there, I relive the regret in real time, feel the feelings and know that I

don’t belong there. I focus intent to return to joy and the abundance there and off

I go. What a relief. I am keenly aware that some people may get stuck there and

are unable to fly away.

It’s a choice. I know this. When I choose to stay, even for a moment, in those

memories, I know that nothing changes…It’ll be regrettable…so, in the light of this

new day, I can only surmise that the lesson is to know that regret of something in

my past belongs where it is, where it lives, behind me. I’ve been sorry long

enough. I’ve tried to fix it if it was fixable and sometimes it just isn’t. I am

sorry…I’ve been sorry and that’s enough. Losing another moment of joy by living

through the regrets of my past is a fool’s errand. So as of today, if my toe gets

even close to the line of yesterdays sadness…I’ll choose today. I have the power to

do that. We all have that power. I takes practice and self-awareness. When I feel

the negative feelings I can choose to stay or I can choose to leave. If I can’t control

my mind, who can? I can make today decisions and feel joy in them. I’d say that’s

a much better use of my time.