White knuckles wrapped tightly around the steering wheel, I pulled over to the side of the road. The rain was coming down so hard that I couldn’t see the lines.  The lights from the oncoming traffic were blurred halos and I just knew I had to stop or face the consequences. I was late for work and I knew that I wouldn’t make it before the buzzer. Late again…my heart sank. Sitting there in the dark I allowed my head to just bow in defeated surrender. There was nothing to stop my tears from falling…I felt so alone.

I was working two jobs back then and my mom was watching my kids while I worked to save the money to get a place of my own. My work at the RV plant started before sunrise.  It was physically challenging but that’s where I made the bulk of the money. After getting off work, I’d go to Pizza Hut where I’d worked my way from waitress to Assistant Manager. My hours were 4-11pm.  I never got to see my kids. I was physically exhausted, but what was even worse…I was close to breaking.  

I just couldn’t see a way out of the life that I’d created for myself. The choices that I’d made had me sitting in my junky car, in the dark, crying and begging the question, “What else can I do!!!”   I couldn’t work any harder. There weren’t any more hours in the day. It was a dead end life. How could I be this damn tired! Then, I felt it...crying time was over…I had to get to work.

I’m never really sure where it comes from, divine intervention? The rain began to slow, I pulled back into traffic and I made it to work before the buzzer. Score!!! That morning remains frozen in my memory.  The reason for that is that a few days later my Dad told me that he had gotten me an opportunity to work where he worked. He made it clear that he couldn’t keep the job for me, but at least I could come to work at Vincent Bach and try my hand at soldering saxophone keys. This was a union shop!  That meant good wages and benefits!!! I didn’t even have health insurance!!! I dreamt of working there! I was determined to be the best silver solder-er in that place. I still kept my pizza hut job at night, just in case.  So, I was still working all of the hours, but at least I saw the light at the end of the tunnel…and it wasn’t a train.

A few months later Pizza Hut was in my rearview mirror and we had a place of our own.  I’ll never forget what my mom did for us. We had a place to stay, food to eat, and she took care of my kids for 3 months!  Who does that!!! She said that her mom did that for her, too. Sometimes life throws a curve ball you just can’t catch.

I ended up working at Vincent Bach for 18 years. My dad was there, with me. If I wouldn’t have dug in, worked hard and earned my spot there, I wouldn’t have gotten to know my dad. My memories of my life with my dad are always with me. Always just a thought away. Sitting in that car, wondering if there was more for me in this life…I truly wondered if I was doomed to a life with no light and no joy, no time to click my heels. How did I not give up?  How did I not give in? And instead, choose to try.  The angel that sits on my shoulder must have been working overtime.

I look for lessons, looking back. How did I end up here, happy and warm, with two grown children leading happy lives of their own?  I guess, if there is a lesson anywhere, it’s that I just kept working, taking one step at a time, reaching for something better. Doing the best that I could from where I was and with what I had.  And when that little voice whispered, I listened.