I just stayed beneath the covers, wide awake, in the dark…thinking about Christmas. It was soon to arrive. Usually I’d be jumping around, excited. I’d be making my 3rd batch of world famous Monschein family Christmas cookies by now. The tree would be lit and the garland twinkling down the banister. So why, this year, am I just laying here, in the dark?  If I were to listen to my heart, I would think that Christmas is already over.

You see, usually, every year, there is so much to look forward to, I am usually just antsy with excitement. It’s all a list of things to accomplish, complete with rum and eggnog. Its Christmas music and tinsel and candy canes on the tree. It’s getting the rooms ready for whoever wants to stay. Its card games to play and wrapping paper and presents under the tree. It’s spending time with neighbors and friends and knowing in the deepest place in your heart that all is well, here in my corner of the world.

This year is a bit different. Noah, Beth, Jackson, Brittany and Brayden were here with us and we celebrated together on December 6, as everyone had to go back home, back to work the next day. Courtney, Carsten and Cora weren’t able to come home this Christmas. COVID19. My mom and my sisters are hours away, safe and COVID-free. I’m going to do my part to keep it that way.  This year, the birthday that my mom and I share will have to be shared by zoom or facetime. I’m missing home. And it has my heart just a little sad. I’ve come to realize that I don’t do SAD very well.  It just soaks up my day, leaving nothing to smile about. The only person to change this is me. So I began my list of things for which I am grateful and my heart began to fill up, once more. I asked to be the light, not sulk in the dark. Let this season begin anew.

It felt like answered prayer and the light came on…not in the room (Mark would have been non-plus) but in my mind and in my heart. And the greatest part is that there is still lots of time before Christmas morning. I get it. Christmas isn’t magical unless and until I do my part. I am the one to put in a Christmas movie, and I am the one who will make the cookies. It’s me that will wrap the gifts and feel the thrill of it all, just knowing that special gift will let that person know how much I love them. I will wear my Christmas sweaters and warm red socks and feel the joy of it all. I wait for Christmas all year long. It’s a time of year that feels like family. And though I’m miles away from my kids and theirs, Christmas is a feeling of joy that I want to share with them near or far.

I miss those that I love that have gone before us. They gather round the tree with us, each and every year. They sit at our dinner table and hold our hands when we bow our heads in gratitude for the love that we all share with one another. I’m so thankful for the wisdom, shared with me this morning.   Christmas season is as joyous as we, ourselves, make it. Happiness and joy and the sharing of these things are choices that we can make. It’s the giving of joy and laughter and love that shines brighter than any Christmas tree. Indeed, the greatest of gifts. I’m so grateful that I get another chance to help make this Christmas as special as it deserves to be. Merry Christmas to you, every one of you.