It’s been this way since the day they were born. They were placed in my arms, at the perfect time. These, the greatest loves that I’d ever know. They were both born on a Wednesday...and the milestones crossed….so quickly,  one by one….one week, one month, one year, first day of school, graduation….one graduated from boot camp and became an Airman in the US Airforce, married and now lives in Virginia. One graduated from Ball State University and moved to LA with her fiancé to follow their dreams in the film industry.

 I used to hold them as they slept, just dreaming about the lives they would live…all of the opportunities they’d have and the choices they’d make.   I wanted the world to be kind to them. I wanted them to have a fair chance. I wanted to hold them up if they fell…encourage them when a big one got away.  I never wanted to see them hurting.  When there were dues to pay for their actions or inactions, I wanted, so badly to just pay it…anything to not allow growing pains to overtake them.  I wanted to celebrate their victories and be there for them always. I remember being at their marching band rehearsals on Saturday mornings, my face pressed against the chain fence, listening and watching, and being so proud of them that I was holding back tears.  There were prom pictures and wedding pictures and now baby pictures as they both have their own sweet darlins to hold and dream with.

I think that a big part of the allure of being someone’s mom is that there is a feeling of being needed. I’ve always felt keenly aware of what was going on in their lives. And sometimes it’s been a juggling act…just when I want to jump in with both feet, I remember that I am there to listen…not always to offer my advice. Sometimes my advice is not really wanted…or needed…but that has to be okay. I’ve raised them to be strong on their own.  I know that sometimes all that they really need is to know that I’m there…I’m someone that will always love them, no matter what.   I’m a familiar ear on the phone that will always have their back.

So strange, isn’t it? Strange and surprising…this life. All of those years, as they were growing up I’d always pictured them being somewhere near me. I wonder if that is the dream of every mother…to get to enjoy the grown-up that they’d raised from a child.  I guess I’d fashioned their futures based on my past….oh yeah, that works…only, not so much. But we make it work as best we can. I stay busy, and Thank Goodness for Facetime!!! And when I’m missing them most, I blow a kiss to the wind and pray that it feels like a hug from their mom. Tomorrow is a day away… And who knows what it will bring.

Before Mark and I were married, I never even dared to imagine my life as it is today.  Looking back, that was the problem!!! I wasn’t dreaming BIG ENOUGH!  I wasn’t claiming my true desires LOUDLY ENOUGH! Somewhere, deep inside, I doubted that I would ever see it. I was blocking my own dreams!  Conceptually, I knew that all things were possible and that from NO WAY…a way would be made. Frustrated and impatient, I knew that I had nothing to lose. I got out of my own way.  I decided to create my life with intention. So as miracles began to manifest in my life and as I began to run out of time before I ran out of blessings to count…I became a true believer.

Today, we live in my dream staycation. My life is so full of magic. Who would have ever guessed that I’d have yet another daughter, Brittany?  Thanks to Mark and Paula, Brittany’s mom, I get to share her with them.  I love her so much. She is the perfect addition to our family.  How could I have known that she would give us our very first grandson, Brayden, and that he could hold my heart in his hands?  And with them came so many people that I would have never met and grown to adore. Love wins again.  The world, it seems, is turning for me and for everyone that I love. I can’t predict the future. But I do know that it’s working at warp speed to turn my every thought and dream into my life’s experience. Thoughts become things… So sad or glad??? That’s easy…I’m glow-in-the-dark GLAD!!!! Have a great day. I’m gonna.